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Carl Benson
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(Why I'm STILL Walking)

by Carl E. Benson II


Susan G. Komen for the Cure (SGK) recently announced it was cutting (and then reinstating/allowing to be reapplied for) grants for Planned Parenthood (PP), an organization that provides a wide variety of women's health services, including Birth Control, Abortion, Sexual Health Screenings, Breast Exams and Screenings, and many others.

I have committed to walking two SGK Breast Cancer 3-Days this year and crewing at least one. I will definitely honor these commitments and will probably do the same for years to come (more on the 'probably' later). My main reason to keep supporting this organization is simple. NO OTHER organization can help recognize, prevent, treat, and eradicate breast cancer like this one can. They are the leaders of their field and as long as such an organization exists, I have a hope of a world where my wife, and girls, and indeed, women and men all over the world don't have to worry about breast cancer, and some day, all cancers. I don't give a crap about their political position or yours, as long as they are fighting breast cancer responsibly.

Generally speaking, the reason for SGKs decision seems to have its origins sometime in 2010, although it has almost certainly been in consideration long before that. They have explained it as PP not being eligible for SGK grants due to new rules intended to make grant recipients more accountable and worthy of such funds. Specifically, SGK is no longer willing to extend new grants to organizations that are under Local, State, or Federal investigation. as PP currently is. However, Nancy Brinker, the founder (and sister) of SGK has also conceded that being affiliated with PP has consumed much more of her time and that of the organization than is acceptable, stating that she often spends as much as half of her time and resources on the issue. We have also learned that a high ranking SGK official who used to be a staunch anti-abortion lawmaker may have helped guide this decision, and has recently 'resigned'. When PP got wind of it, they seized the moment and broke the story to the media, and reaped the benefit. We are also learning that not all PP locations are losing SGK Grant funding, in spite of what PP has told the media. Now, in an eleventh hour decision, SGK has announced that they will allow PP to reapply for grants as long as they meet criteria, and would honor existing grants.

It was probably an inevitability that SGK would alter their relationship with PP, but the manner in which it happened has resulted in a black eye for SGK, who continue to demonstrate a lack of public relations sophistication. In fact, that is my biggest problem with SGK.

Let me also touch upon the controversy last year when SGK "ruthlessly" sent their lawyers around the world to "squash" every mom and pop organization with 'for the cure' in their title. They did exactly what 'Live Strong' would have done if you started a charity called 'Living Strong' or what 'The American Cancer Society' would have done if you started an organization called 'AN American Cancer Society'. They protected their intellectual property. Just like Queen did when Vanilla Ice sought to profit off their groundwork and creativity without permission, just like I, as an artist, would have done, if you sought to utilize my creativity or intellectual property without permission. And that's all I have to say about that.

However, SGK IS a huge organization, and even though they are a charity, they are still charged to operate within the confines of a huge organization.
At the risk of digressing, do you own an iPhone, iPad, PC, TV, or automobile? Yeah, me too. You're no doubt aware that these American Products, sold by American Companies are assembled, packaged, and distributed by people in other countries holding jobs that SHOULD be American jobs, possibly under human rights and ecological conditions that would be illegal in America. But we continue to financially support them. Do you smoke or drink? Then you financially support companies that continuously spread products that are harmful to children and teens. Do you have a Facebook or Twitter account? Even though some will tell you they are detrimental to society and young people?

Why do we support these corporations that potentially do much more harm to society than SGK? Because we receive a product or service that we consider to be of value and then we intend to utilize responsibly.

I continue to support SGK because they provide me with a service that I find to be of great value in spite of their latest PR blunder. That service is a world without breast cancer, and a community that is universally nurturing to anyone who has been affected by this. No one can deny that they are among the best positioned to continue this fight, to ease the suffering of those affected, and to be a global leader in understanding how to cure all cancers.

While SGK decisions made by men in ties and women in business suits continue to permeate the media, it's important to recognize that the real heart and soul, and the real backbone of this organization are a small group of men and women that wear grey shirts and cargo shorts, cultivating an atmosphere, attitude, and ambiance among their constituents that can't be found anyplace else. These selfless individuals put together events utilizing hundreds of volunteers and thousands of walkers who have each raised thousands of dollars and limitless awareness for this cause, then they step aside and let the event be about the walkers, and especially about the survivors, who hold an almost universal royalty status. If you've never experienced one of these events, you can't possibly understand. You can sit there and pass judgment at implied political stances and apparent public posturing, but you can't fully understand the organization like I do.

This organization is about a strikingly beautiful bald woman from Milwaukee holding up a sign that reads; "A Komen Mammogram Saved My Life".

It's about a 23 YO mother from Boston who told me and hundreds of other crew about how medical science had declared her plight hopeless, cureless, and a lost cause. No known conventional medical procedure was going to keep her alive, but here she was years later talking to us and living her life with her husband and children, all thanks to clinical trials and experimental procedures arranged for by Susan G. Komen for the Cure.

It's about a 90 year old woman from Hartford with a sticker on her hat for every year she's been a survivor. She has 27 stickers. But it's MORE about the reverence that she's looked upon with by the dozens of survivors that are congregated there with her.

It's about a very tall, sick, and bald woman in 2008, who was a healthy cancer free woman who effortlessly walked all 60 miles in 2009, and rode her bike hundreds of miles to keep her fellow walkers and survivors safe in 2010 (with a full head of curly hair), completely cancer free.

It's about a woman who was told by doctors that she would be dead in six months but booked a cruise for 3 months after that. She never made the cruise, but her sharing of this story was encouragement to hundreds of women.

It's about men wearing pink bras, wigs, sashes, tights, and superhero costumes regardless of how they look as long as it brings awareness to the greater cause.

It's about a beautiful woman name Cathy who got to be a part of something amazing before succumbing to Breast Cancer. And about randomly running into her children at an event five months after she died because they knew how important her brief experience with this event was to her.

It's about a very sick woman, who spent most of the walk in a wheelchair, but she completed it, raised the flag, and was at the next one, and she's doing fine right now.

It's about the hiring of an African American national spokesperson because she was the right survivor for the job. The fact that she brilliantly represented an under represented population of breast cancer survivors and victims was just a bonus.

It's about a man named Simon from Tampa, walking for the first time, five years after his wife walked. A year before that, Simon's wife, while eight months pregnant, was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Right now, Simon's six year old daughter has no mother.

It's about a husband and wife from Wolcott, CT, who were dealt a blow they didn't expect and never saw coming, and how they overcame the effects and rechanneled that energy, and the form it took.

These are not hypotheticals, for instances, or fairly tails. These are women and men I've met. Women I know. Results of SGK and the work that they do.

It's about medical and clinical advances you'll hear about in your lifetime, but won't attribute to SGK. That's not how they work. They actually don't want ANY attention, positive or negative.

It's about giving every woman and man a shot at a lifetime. It's about raising more money to fight Breast Cancer than any organization in history, and effectively utilizing it.

It's NOT about pink spatulas, political stances, controversial organizations, or legislative rulings. These things will be called into play heavily in the near future. You will hear about them.

I believe that someday before I die, there will be a cure for Breast Cancer. It may be an inoculation that prevents it, or a preventive measure, a manner of isolating and destroying cancerous cells, or just an understanding of how to not let it maim or kill the women and men in our lives. SGK will be a big part of it. THAT won't get as much attention as this has.

And since it's relevant, I'm Pro-Choice, but I'm not THAT Pro-Choice. My opinion on the matter isn't nearly as strong as my convictions in helping SGK move us towards a world without Breast Cancer.

And I really have nothing against PP, an essential organization I'm sure is run by dedicated men and women with a misunderstood and maligned mission that cannot be easy. Even if they do routinely pass out Birth Control pills and medications that are strongly suspected of containing carcinogens(as most Brith Control providers and perscribers do). Even if they don't have a consistent national policy regarding grants for  breast cancer screenings and mammograms, or that each facility makes their own policies, sometimes returning unused funds.

On the other hand, I don't have that big a problem with an organization dedicated to preserving life distancing themselves from one that is often associated with taking it. If SGK is destined to make this move, better sooner than later, so we can all get back to curing Breast Cancer. I despise the road they took just to get close to where they started, but even that isn't entirely their fault. PP clearly broke the story with an eye towards damage control, gaining public sympathy and support, and recouping whatever grant money they could. In the short term, they have succeeded, but I suspect that this would have had a significant effect on them in a few years. In spite of all this, I fervently support any organization that responsibly furthers women's health and is a chartered to help protect women against breast cancer.

What I do have a major problem with is women who need or can't afford breast health screenings or mammograms suddenly not being able to get them. But I'm confident that SGK and PP will make sure this doesn't happen with the help of an ever increasing corps of organizations, even if the separation between them ever becomes complete.

So that's why I still support SGK, at least for 2012, and I may already have a commitment in place for 2013. In the beginning of this piece, I said that I would 'PROBABLY' still support them for years to come. Let this writing serve as notice to SGK and anyone who supports them, that if once the backlash of this is over, they don't consistently demonstrate a responsible approach to ending breast cancer, I will have to discontinue my support, and encourage you to do the same. This episode needs to be the exception and NOT norm. I am strongly hoping that SGK does a better job of PR in the future and learns from this.

I am hoping that you will still support me, but more importantly, support the end of Breast Cancer, however you see fit. If you want to support PP, I'm sure they could use it. If you want to support breast cancer and breast health through PP, I encourage you to make sure they have a suitable vehicle in place to accommodate this, but I suspect they will.

If you were a walker no longer willing to commit as a result of this, I hope you will consider giving me or someone else a list of your past supporters.

If you were only supporting me, or SGK through me, because you felt their political beliefs mirrored your own, and now feel that you can no longer, I wish you the best regardless. But I suspect that most of our supporters do not feel this way.

So there it is, that's why I'm STILL walking. And why I hope to for years to come. And why I hope you'll still walk with me.

Read this inspirational story about why I'm walking to begin with:www.the3day.org/goto/bostoncar…

Watch the amazing video I made for my wife at the last Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day:www.the3day.org/goto/bostoncar…

Find out about my first tattoo:fav.me/d3qwsd8

See why I  (still) need to lose weight: fav.me/d3v951f

Find out about my 2 new family members:fav.me/d3s7d27


ABOUT MY ARTWORK

If you don't give a crap about my life as an artist, feel free to stop reading now, I realize I can be a wordy SOB.
All of my work is pen and ink (why do they call it pen AND ink anyway?). Specifically, India ink. I used to work in pencil, and will occasionally do something in just pencil, but I have grown to love the contrast and sharpness I can get from ink. Everything starts with rough pencils and is eventually embellished with Micron graphic pens. I used to use Penstix, but they tend to fade over time while the Microns hold up very well. They also come in better line depths and also a variety of colors, which I started experimenting with not too long ago.
I also wanted to make everyone aware that I do commissions (both pictures and cases) if anyone is interested. You see my style, you see what I'm capable of. If you are interested, please contact me. I also want to let you know that many of my originals are available for sale. If you are interested in anything specific, please let me know.
Hey look! New Stuff! (click the little picture to make it a big picture) For Thomas by ceb364 Faith and Courage source by ceb364

Mature Content

Hoohah by ceb364
Nine Eleven by ceb364
What else am I working on? I just started a new Breast Cancer Awareness piece that's been in my head for years. I'm also ready to ink several nudes and I'm working on another 9/11 tribute.
recently uploaded all of my Custom Computer Case Mods. Here's one now: 'The Amazing Spider-Case' by ceb364 . Find out why: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
On Saturday, January 28, 2006 (my dad's birthday), this picture:   Merritt by ceb364
was chosen as a Daily Deviation. It was recommended by :iconwittlepanther: and selected by :iconoedalis:.I wanted to express my gratitude to both of those deviants and to all the members who commented and faved this piece who I didn't have a chance to properly thank. Lame as it may sound, it was one of the most gratifying, important, and proud moments in my life as an artist. Recognition by one's peers may be the most sincere compliment and artist can receive.

My best work:
Merritt by ceb364 Which is not only a masterful piece of art I would hold up to anything ever produced by any artist, but also is touching tribute to someone my entire family loved dearly.

Some others I consider to be among my best:

The Last Supper by ceb364 'Unforsaken' by ceb364 'One in Eight Women' by ceb364 'Forever' by ceb364

I also very much like the abstract pictures that come straight from my imagination:

'Not So Still Life' by ceb364 Concentric Self Portrait by ceb364 'Lillies for Tina' by ceb364 'Connection' by ceb364

And let me shout out to my Amazing, beautiful, lovely, CANCER FREE wife by sharing some of the overly sappy, lovey dovey pictures I drew for her that always seem to come out pretty good:

'Grinch and Cindy Lou' by ceb364 Best Friends by ceb364 'Together' by ceb364 'Carl + Tina' by ceb364

I also wanted to mention a few pictures that either didn't live up to their potential, or just simply suck:

'Never Forget' by ceb364 'Jesus and the Children' by ceb364 Beautiful Survivor by ceb364

And I would be remiss if I didn't throw in a few nudie girls, big boobed babes, and scantily clad super heroines:

:thumb82778035: :thumb82756453: 'Warrior' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Lara Croft in Bondage' by ceb364

Mature Content

Wild by ceb364


Later!
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My First Tattoo

18 min read
I was never what you’d consider ‘Tattoo People’. Once I cleared my wild teens and early twenties ink free, I’d have assumed I’d never be inked. Even as an artist, I never really felt the desire to use myself as a canvas. My own art isn’t especially conducive to the human body any way. And while I’ve never really bought into any stereotypes about tattooed folks, I’ve never really fit the mold. Since I’ve burnt all the partying out of my system in my early 20’s, I’ve been sort of a Church Council, Real Estate Accountant kind of guy. Especially since I got married and got suckered int….um…that is…became blessed with all these young ladies in my life.
None of which is to imply anything about ‘Tattoo People’ (other than that they’re badass, Harley riding, father raping, ass-kicking, bambi-stomping badasses). One of my closest friends has a beautiful display sleeved down the length of each arm and a portrait on his chest. Indeed, my wife had a tattoo put on right about the time I met her. So my stance on the inked among us is that the ink they sport neither makes them better, nor worse people. It just wasn’t my thing. But I guess I would have always been willing to get the RIGHT tattoo. It just never came along.

Then, in December 2005, my beautiful, amazing wife, Tina was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. One of the ways I dealt with this by drawing pictures related to Breast Cancer Awareness.

One of the other ways I dealt with her diagnosis was to raise funds for and walk in The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day. But the most important thing I did was to support Breast Cancer Awareness any way I could. I had the idea that I could proudly support her fight with Breast Cancer by getting a tattoo of my own design on my calf where I could show it off to everyone but hide it when I needed to simply by wearing pants. It would need to be relevant to Breast Cancer but also personal to Tina and I, but not specifically about her or us. This is what I came up with:

'Tina's Lilly' by ceb364

Now all I had to do was get the Tattoo. Uh-huh. Right. I actually ended up putting it on the back burner for a while. Months became years. In the mean time, both of my step-daughters got tattoos. I kept intending to do it, but never did. Every so often I would jump out on the net and do a little research, or ask someone who had one how much it hurt, but that was about it. In early 2010, I realized time was flying way too fast and that this tattoo was sort of a bucket list thing for me, so I decided that I might look into tentatively exploring the idea of investigating the prospect of possibly going through with this. Uh-huh. Right.

Then one Thursday afternoon a few weeks before my wife’s birthday, on the way home from work, I spontaneously stopped by a parlor called the Inkwell, in Bristol CT. I had been driving past it every day for a few years, so I didn’t think it was some fly by night operation. Upon entering, I was immediately impressed. The several tattoo parlors (is that still what they’re called?) I’d experienced in my life followed the same formula; an open reception area with a desk and some artwork for you to peruse and a backroom or two where they would carve up your body with their fitly needles half filled with ink and rat feces. The Inkwell was different. It was one big, open area. There was a sitting area, a waist high counter, and an open work area behind the counter. Nothing to hide, everything in the open. I had a great first impression of this establishment, and a better first impression of the personable artist named Nycci who greeted me. I instantly thought it appropriate that a woman might be doing my tattoo.

There was a young lady having her first tattoo across her upper back who was grimacing, but told me it didn’t hurt that bad. I gave Nycci my picture, she quoted me a price and I made an appointment for the following Tuesday.

I spent an enjoyable weekend hiking and being with my family and didn’t think too much about it. The day before, I rode my bike 15 miles, and hiked 20 so I would be plenty tired. I arrived a few minutes early and chatted with the other artist and the guy he was working on, a cool Hartford EMT having a sleeve put on his forearm. Nycci showed me her interpretation of my picture and I lay down and got comfy. She sketched it out on my right calf and showed me. The outline looked great and I laid down again. She told me she would start with one line and wanted me to let her know how it felt. After that one line, I knew I would be fine. In fact, she told me it would take an hour to an hour and a half, but after 25 minutes, I took my first look, and it was almost done. At first she told me the white in the bulb would eventually fade to skin color and I might not want to do it depending on how much it hurt, but after the first 25 minutes, I told her to just do it. She ended up finishing in like 45 minutes and explained it went quick and smooth because I didn’t fidget but just let her do her thing and finish it. When she was done, I was extremely pleased with the result:

'Tina's Lily' on skin by ceb364

Even more pleased after it healed for a few days:


In fact, I was so pleased with her service, her final product, and her speed, I gave her (what I considered) a nice tip.

So now the obvious questions
Did it hurt? Yup. Someone scraped my skin to get permanent ink under there. Of course it hurt. But it was completely bearable.

Will I get any more? Probably. I was warned they were addictive and so they are. I’m (beyond) contemplating another Pink Ribbon piece for my left calf and I may get something that reminds me of my parents on my shoulder. I also want something for all my girls, a Red Sox ‘B’, and possibly, a Masonic Emblem.

Good lord, I can’t believe I’ve gone on for over two pages about a simple little tattoo. Well whatever. Deal with it. I’m tattoo people now . You know, badass. So get out of my grill, or I’ll kick your ass…or…like, you know, call the cops, or maybe give you a dirty look when you cut me off at an intersection…


Weight Loss Update:
Ok, back at it. In two more biggest loser contests, one for charity. You'll recall I lost a bunch of weight last fall. well, I found it again over the holidays. So this time, contests notwithstanding, I have decided to try and modify my diet instead of starving myself, and making sure regular exercize is a part of my life. That said:
January 2009: 282.9
October 2009: 228
January 2010: 265
Right Now: 240ish

See why I need to lose weight: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…

Find out about my 2 new family members: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…


_____________________________________________



ABOUT MY ARTWORK

If you don't give a crap about my life as an artist, feel free to stop reading now, I realize I can be a wordy SOB.
All of my work is pen and ink (why do they call it pen AND ink anyway?). Specifically, India ink. I used to work in pencil, and will occasionally do something in just pencil, but I have grown to love the contract and sharpness I can get from ink. Everything starts with rough pencils and is eventually embellished with Micron graphic pens. I used to use Penstix, but they tend to fade over time while the Microns hold up very well. They also come in better line depths and also a variety of colors, which I started experimenting with not too long ago.
I also wanted to make everyone aware that I do commissions (both pictures and cases) if anyone is interested. You see my style, you see what I’m capable of. If you are interested, please contact me. I also want to let you know that many of my originals are available for sale. If you are interested in anything specific, please let me know. This applies to both of my accounts.
Hey look! New Stuff! (click the little picture to make it a big picture) 'Elements' in pencil by ceb364

Mature Content

'She Hulk' in pencil by ceb364
Groovy Bike by ceb364 'Icon' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Curves' by ceb364

What else am I working on? I'm currently working on a companion piece to the tattoo on my right calf, I have few uniked pieces to get too, I'm also working pencilling another athelete who also happens to be a cancer survivor, and a project involving a stock model from DA. I also want to work on something with my brother.
I recently uploaded all of my Custom Computer Case Mods. Here’s one now: 'The Amazing Spider-Case' by ceb364 . Find out why: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
On Saturday, January 28, 2006 (my dad’s birthday), this picture: Merritt by ceb364
was chosen as a Daily Deviation. It was recommended by :iconwittlepanther: and selected by :iconoedalis:.I wanted to express my gratitude to both of those deviants and to all the members who commented and faved this piece who I didn’t have a chance to properly thank. Lame as it may sound, it was one of the most gratifying, important, and proud moments in my life as an artist. Recognition by one’s peers may be the most sincere compliment and artist can receive.

My best work:
Merritt by ceb364 Which is not only a masterful piece of art I would hold up to anything ever produced by any artist, but also is touching tribute to someone my entire family loved dearly.

Some others I consider to be among my best:

The Last Supper by ceb364 'Unforsaken' by ceb364 'One in Eight Women' by ceb364 'Forever' by ceb364

I also very much like the abstract pictures that come straight from my imagination:

'Not So Still Life' by ceb364 Concentric Self Portrait by ceb364 'Lillies for Tina' by ceb364 'Connection' by ceb364

And let me shout out to my Amazing, beautiful, lovely, CANCER FREE wife by sharing some of the overly sappy, lovey dovey pictures I drew for her that always seem to come out pretty good:

'Grinch and Cindy Lou' by ceb364 Best Friends by ceb364 'Together' by ceb364 'Carl + Tina' by ceb364

Make sure you visit my kid’s gallery. She’s a recent UCONN grad who needs to upload some of the amazing stuff she’s done in the last few years: :iconkristi-lynn:

Also, say hi to one of our family’s real-world friends: :iconmaebyjane:

I also wanted to mention a few pictures that either didn't live up to their potential, or just simply suck:

'Never Forget' by ceb364 'Jesus and the Children' by ceb364 Beautiful Survivor by ceb364

And I would be remiss if I didn't throw in a few nudie girls, big boobed babes, and scantily clad super heroines:

:thumb82778035: :thumb82756453: 'Warrior' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Lara Croft in Bondage' by ceb364


Later!
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
So we’ve added yet another family member, and I think it’s finally complete. Meet Joss, a bright, freckly faced, engaging, bubbly, cute as hell twelve year old that came to live with us permanently yesterday.

This is Joss: www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid…

Remember Sam? From this journal? Sam and Joss are sisters. In a nutshell, they lived a life of limited means with their mother and younger brother until their mother (and the Aunt of my step-daughters) was murdered in October 2008 by the father of Sam and Joss’ younger brother. Her body was discovered by their uncle (and my wife’s ex). The punk ass coward murderer took off to North Carolina but when he saw his face all over the news. Then the chickenshit candy ass retreated even further and jumped in front of a train instead of facing decent people who would make him confront his actions.

Sam (now 17) came to live with us last spring abruptly when a quick decision had to be made. It’s a joy to have her with us, but it happened very fast, and we didn’t really have the chance to appreciate her before she moved in. Joss (now 12) has been visiting most weekends and calling every night. She has really grown into a beloved part of the family and it has been depressing taking her home each Sunday to live with her Aunt, her Aunt’s 22 year old daughter, HER two babies, the boyfriend, and her Aunt’s own two daughters. And despite of being forced to attend one of the worst schools in the state, she quietly maintained straight A’s, and continued to be a treat to be around. We were under pressure from her grandfather and her uncle to “do whatever we could to help out”. And while Sam has remained silent about it, I’m sure she has been anxious to see her sister out of there.

So we petitioned the court for custody of Joss. We felt that we could offer her a more stable, steady environment, get her into a much better school system that we were familiar with, and provide her with a better life. For Sam, we hoped to offer her a comfortable transition to college, but for Joss, we want to provide a life that she’s never had. They both deserve so much more, but this is all we can offer them. Thankfully, the court system agreed, and sent Joss home with us last night (after an extremely uncomfortable trip to pick up her things).

There will be challenges and hurdles, personality conflicts, and growing pains, but it’s all for the best, isn’t it? It was the right thing to do, and frankly, a very easy decision. So when Kristi-Lyn graduated college and moved out, instead of measuring her room for exercise equipment, we’re measuring for bunk beds. Instead of almost being empty nesters with one more girl to put through college, we have another five years of high school, and three more girls to get through college. Instead of finally being freed from the delicate intricacies of the teenage girl psyche, we’re thrust right back into it on the ground floor.

So I guess we’ll just strap ourselves in and see where the ride takes us. And I don’t recall looking forward to anything more than this since my wedding day! The family (mostly): photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-…

Remember Beaux (note our presumptuous spelling!)? The Australian Shepherd pup we brought home last spring? He’ll be one year old on Christmas Eve. And while he’s still about as goofy as “the smartest breed of dog” could be, he’s grown into an impressive 60 lb brute who towers over our five year old Aussie girl. He’s gotten much bigger, stronger, and faster than I would have though, and he’s finally starting to realize some of his potential. He’s well on his way to becoming a confident, proud, capable helper in my quest to protect all these women in my life. It’s now him, me, my wife, two stepdaughters (one is moved out, but is here frequently) two nieces, two girl dogs, and two girl cats. Two tiny specks of testosterone standing a post in a battlefield of sometimes hostile femininity. I’m starting to wish I didn’t have his junk snipped the week I got him. Sorry l’il guy!

Beaux the week we got him: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUEZmJ…

Beaux now: photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-…

Weight Loss Update:
I'll get back to you on this one

See why I need to lose weight: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…


_____________________________________________



ABOUT MY ARTWORK

If you don't give a crap about my life as an artist, feel free to stop reading now, I realize I can be a wordy SOB.
All of my work is pen and ink (why do they call it pen AND ink anyway?). Specifically, India ink. I used to work in pencil, and will occasionally do something in just pencil, but I have grown to love the contract and sharpness I can get from ink. Everything starts with rough pencils and is eventually embellished with Micron graphic pens. I used to use Penstix, but they tend to fade over time while the Microns hold up very well. They also come in better line depths and also a variety of colors, which I started experimenting with not too long ago.
I also wanted to make everyone aware that I do commissions (both pictures and cases) if anyone is interested. You see my style, you see what I’m capable of. If you are interested, please contact me. I also want to let you know that many of my originals are available for sale. If you are interested in anything specific, please let me know. This applies to both of my accounts.
Hey look! New Stuff! (click the little picture to make it a big picture)
Groovy Bike by ceb364 'Icon' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Curves' by ceb364
'Manny' by ceb364

Mature Content

Weight of the World by ceb364
What else am I working on? I'm currently working on a Christmas Picture for someone, am considering an anniversary sequel to one of my other pictures, and still waiting for the right time to begin that epic breast cancer awareness pic. I also want to work on something with my brother.
I recently uploaded all of my Custom Computer Case Mods. Here’s one now: 'The Amazing Spider-Case' by ceb364 . Find out why: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
On Saturday, January 28, 2006 (my dad’s birthday), this picture: Merritt by ceb364
was chosen as a Daily Deviation. It was recommended by :iconwittlepanther: and selected by :iconoedalis:.I wanted to express my gratitude to both of those deviants and to all the members who commented and faved this piece who I didn’t have a chance to properly thank. Lame as it may sound, it was one of the most gratifying, important, and proud moments in my life as an artist. Recognition by one’s peers may be the most sincere compliment and artist can receive.

My best work:
Merritt by ceb364 Which is not only a masterful piece of art I would hold up to anything ever produced by any artist, but also is touching tribute to someone my entire family loved dearly.

Some others I consider to be among my best:

The Last Supper by ceb364 'Unforsaken' by ceb364 'One in Eight Women' by ceb364 'Forever' by ceb364

I also very much like the abstract pictures that come straight from my imagination:

'Not So Still Life' by ceb364 Concentric Self Portrait by ceb364 'Lillies for Tina' by ceb364 'Connection' by ceb364

And let me shout out to my Amazing, beautiful, lovely, CANCER FREE wife by sharing some of the overly sappy, lovey dovey pictures I drew for her that always seem to come out pretty good:

'Grinch and Cindy Lou' by ceb364 Best Friends by ceb364 'Together' by ceb364 'Carl + Tina' by ceb364

Make sure you visit my kid’s gallery. She’s a recent UCONN grad who needs to upload some of the amazing stuff she’s done in the last few years: :iconkristi-lynn:

Also, say hi to one of our family’s real-world friends: :iconmaebyjane:

I also wanted to mention a few pictures that either didn't live up to their potential, or just simply suck:

'Never Forget' by ceb364 'Jesus and the Children' by ceb364 Beautiful Survivor by ceb364

And I would be remiss if I didn't throw in a few nudie girls, big boobed babes, and scantily clad super heroines:

:thumb82778035: :thumb82756453: 'Warrior' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Lara Croft in Bondage' by ceb364


Later!
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
My wife and I just returned from Tampa Bay and the 2009 Tampa Bay Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3-Day. Since I have a bunch of thoughts just running through my head, I figured I'd share a few:

Walking 22 miles in the 95 degree sun is way too hot until you see all the smiles.

There’s something inherently fun about sleeping in a tent at the 3-Day. Maybe it’s because it brings us back to our childhood, maybe it brings out a sense of community, maybe it’s because you’re just SO exhausted.

I’m sure the Pinellas trail in the Tampa area is a wonderful place to bring your family or walk your dog, but when it’s that hot, it probably a pretty good place to avoid.

Every three day walk we’ve walked or crewed has been supported by nice people but the people involved with the Tampa walk have been the nicest by far.

Apparently Heather Van Nest is some sort of local celebrity in Tampa, but we only got to know her mom, who is an absolute sweetheart.

The cheering station by the drawbridge on day two was the best cheering station ever! Who knew frozen Girl Scout cookies could be THAT good.

We were just a few houses away from the car accident on day 2 and saw the whole thing. A grey SUV hit a curb and loss control and ended up in the bushes. Thank GOD no one got hurt. The guy was drunk and tried to drive away, then tried to walk away, but some locals detained him. Cops were there by the time we crossed the street.

I’m really glad Sam (remember her?ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…) got to share this with us.

Chicas kick ass.

I'm really glad the day 2 lunch wraps had no pineapple. I HATE pineapple.

Women with fake boobs aren’t as funny as men with fake boobs.

We would like to walk in more than one walk next year, but we will probably need some corporate, big money sponsorship, since it took all of our friends, family, and co-workers to walk just one.

At my first walk, in Boston, 2006, I had a little reluctance to use port-o-potties, at this point, just get out of my way.

Speaking of port-o-potties, do they spike the food with something to keep us all regular?

Walking 60 miles in a weekend doesn’t seem as long as walking a mile and a quarter when you have to pee.

According to a sign at the nature preserve on day 2, ‘gator molesting' is a problem in Florida.

We made the news 3 times on day one. If they shoved a mic in our faces again, I was gonna hit them with a ‘no comment’! (J/K)

We didn't get that tired after our walk and our travels until the Wednesday after we got back.
Hmmmm. That’s it for now.


___________________
Weight Loss Update:

After a summer of house guests, vacations, and cookouts, I entered a 'Biggest Loser' contest with some friends and family members, and I am happy to report that I am back on track:

1/6/09: 282.3 lbs (my high score)
08/16/09: 265.1 lbs (my weigh in)
Weigh in on 10/28/09: 227.5 (I won!)

See why I need to lose weight: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…

Read about our two newest family members: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
_____________________________________________



ABOUT MY ARTWORK

If you don't give a crap about my life as an artist, feel free to stop reading now, I realize I can be a wordy SOB.
All of my work is pen and ink (why do they call it pen AND ink anyway?). Specifically, India ink. I used to work in pencil, and will occasionally do something in just pencil, but I have grown to love the contract and sharpness I can get from ink. Everything starts with rough pencils and is eventually embellished with Micron graphic pens. I used to use Penstix, but they tend to fade over time while the Microns hold up very well. They also come in better line depths and also a variety of colors, which I started experimenting with not too long ago.
I also wanted to make everyone aware that I do commissions (both pictures and cases) if anyone is interested. You see my style, you see what I’m capable of. If you are interested, please contact me. I also want to let you know that many of my originals are available for sale. If you are interested in anything specific, please let me know. This applies to both of my accounts.
Hey look! New Stuff! (click the little picture to make it a big picture)
'Icon' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Curves' by ceb364
'Manny' by ceb364

Mature Content

Weight of the World by ceb364
What else am I working on? I'm done penciling a really cool picture involving a DA model Groovy Bike in pencil by ceb364, am considering an anniversary sequel to one of my other pictures, and still waiting for the right time to begin that epic breast cancer awareness pic.
I recently uploaded all of my Custom Computer Case Mods. Here’s one now: 'The Amazing Spider-Case' by ceb364 . Find out why: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
On Saturday, January 28, 2006 (my dad’s birthday), this picture: Merritt by ceb364
was chosen as a Daily Deviation. It was recommended by :iconwittlepanther: and selected by :iconoedalis:.I wanted to express my gratitude to both of those deviants and to all the members who commented and faved this piece who I didn’t have a chance to properly thank. Lame as it may sound, it was one of the most gratifying, important, and proud moments in my life as an artist. Recognition by one’s peers may be the most sincere compliment and artist can receive.

My best work:
Merritt by ceb364 Which is not only a masterful piece of art I would hold up to anything ever produced by any artist, but also is touching tribute to someone my entire family loved dearly.

Some others I consider to be among my best:

The Last Supper by ceb364 'Unforsaken' by ceb364 'One in Eight Women' by ceb364 'Forever' by ceb364

I also very much like the abstract pictures that come straight from my imagination:

'Not So Still Life' by ceb364 Concentric Self Portrait by ceb364 'Lillies for Tina' by ceb364 'Connection' by ceb364

And let me shout out to my Amazing, beautiful, lovely, CANCER FREE wife by sharing some of the overly sappy, lovey dovey pictures I drew for her that always seem to come out pretty good:

'Grinch and Cindy Lou' by ceb364 Best Friends by ceb364 'Together' by ceb364 'Carl + Tina' by ceb364

Make sure you visit my kid’s gallery. She’s a recent UCONN grad who needs to upload some of the amazing stuff she’s done in the last few years: :iconkristi-lynn:

Also, say hi to one of our family’s real-world friends: :iconmaebyjane:

I also wanted to mention a few pictures that either didn't live up to their potential, or just simply suck:

'Never Forget' by ceb364 'Jesus and the Children' by ceb364 Beautiful Survivor by ceb364

And I would be remiss if I didn't throw in a few nudie girls, big boobed babes, and scantily clad super heroines:

:thumb82778035: :thumb82756453: 'Warrior' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Lara Croft in Bondage' by ceb364


Later!
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
He's a very nice man. Well spoken and thoughtful. He says hello to everyone as they get on the bus, and wishes us all a nice day and thanks the driver before he gets off the bus.

He's also extremely fat. (He's a state of CT employee; I bet there's a correlation). Maybe 50 0r 55 years old. He's so fat that he can barely fit in the seat, and he can't fit down the aisle. When he gets out of his seat, he has to pull on the back of the seat in front of him, and you can hear the seat creak under the strain. It usually causes him to break out in a sweat. He usually sits in the very back of the bus, presumably, so that he doesn't hold anyone up as he struggles to extricate himself from his seat, and twist his way down the aisle. This morning, we took a new bus, some weird ass double-decker bus.

Right in the middle of the first floor, there was a table surrounded by two seats facing each other. The really nice fat man sat there. No doubt because it appeared to have more room. Huge tactical error. When it was time to get off, he discovered there was no seat-back in front of him to pull himself up with. He had to do it under his own power and it took him several seconds, all the while, I the passengers behind him accumulated, politely waiting to disembark. I thought we were going to have to help up but he finally, with a Herculean effort, righted himself and huffed and puffed his way off the bus, forced smile on his face.

While he's very nice, and often wears a smile, when no one is talking to him, you can tell how unhappy he is. You can see the strain and the stress on his face, a permanent tragic tattoo, etched in indelible ink. After he gets off the bus, the smile is gone as he walks up the hill in the morning, or trudges to his SUV in the afternoon.

I can never be this man. This man can't bike ten miles and then hike twenty. He can't remove 10 inches of snow from his driveway without fear of a cardiac episode. He can't build a fence around his back yard. He can't spend the day walking around a fair with his family. He can't run around the backyard with his dogs, or shoot baskets in the driveway with his kids. He can't walk 60 miles in a single weekend. He can’t make love to his wife the way she deserves to be made love to. He can't put winter clothes in the attic in the spring, or get them down again in the fall. He can't care for his wife when she's sick or physically tend to her after she's severely injured in a car accident. He can't lift his daughter from her bed when she breaks her back, or even carry her across a yard filled with deep snow because she forgot to wear boots. He can't fit in the new 'skinny clothes' that his wife bought him. He can't even look in the mirror. Not for very long.

I can never be this man. I just can't. I need to be able to do those things for a long time yet. Every one of them and more.

I think about this man while I exercise, or hike, or walk the dogs. I think about how close I was to being this man. About how, at 285 last January, our weights were probably similar. I think about my copout excuse of being several inches taller than him and how that really doesn't matter. I think about how I'm moving away from him. About how good it feels to be going the opposite direction. About how much easier it is for me to do the things I listed above the smaller I get. I think about how I told myself that I would make this change when the time was right, just like when I quit smoking, and I think about how glad I am that the time seems to be right. I think about the pairs of 38 inch crutches in my closet that I need to throw away.

I wish I could help this man, this stranger whose name I don't even know. I think about hitting my goal weight, printing this journal and handing it to him, along with a 'before picture'. Would it inspire him? Depress him? Make him hungry? I think that maybe there's some anonymous way to help him. Or maybe I should just say fuck it, follow him home some night, and ask him if he wants to go for a walk.

I think for now, the best thing for me to do, is not become him.


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

________________________________________
'Walking all Over Breast Cancer' update:

Crunch time! I have raised $1,232.00 of the required $2,300.00, with less than a month to go. I need some help. If you're reading this, and can help me, it would be greatly appreciated! If you have already helped me, thanks!
www.the3day.org/goto/ceb364

___________________
Weight Loss Update:

After a summer of house guests, vacations, and cookouts, I entered a 'Biggest Loser' contest with some friends and family members, and I am happy to report that I am back on track:

1/6/09: 282.3 lbs (my high score)
08/16/09: 265.1 lbs (my weigh in)
Today: 241 lbs


See why I need to lose weight: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…

Read about our two newest family members: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
_____________________________________________

Read about my recent hike on the Mattatuck Trail:
ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
______________________________________________



ABOUT MY ARTWORK

If you don't give a crap about my life as an artist, feel free to stop reading now, I realize I can be a wordy SOB.
All of my work is pen and ink (why do they call it pen AND ink anyway?). Specifically, India ink. I used to work in pencil, and will occasionally do something in just pencil, but I have grown to love the contract and sharpness I can get from ink. Everything starts with rough pencils and is eventually embellished with Micron graphic pens. I used to use Penstix, but they tend to fade over time while the Microns hold up very well. They also come in better line depths and also a variety of colors, which I started experimenting with not too long ago.
I also wanted to make everyone aware that I do commissions (both pictures and cases) if anyone is interested. You see my style, you see what I’m capable of. If you are interested, please contact me. I also want to let you know that many of my originals are available for sale. If you are interested in anything specific, please let me know. This applies to both of my accounts.
Hey look! New Stuff! (click the little picture to make it a big picture)
'Icon' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Curves' by ceb364
'Manny' by ceb364

Mature Content

Weight of the World by ceb364
What else am I working on? I'm done penciling a really cool picture involving a DA model Groovy Bike in pencil by ceb364, am considering an anniversary sequel to one of my other pictures, and still waiting for the right time to begin that epic breast cancer awareness pic.
I recently uploaded all of my Custom Computer Case Mods. Here’s one now: 'The Amazing Spider-Case' by ceb364 . Find out why: ceb364.deviantart.com/journal/…
On Saturday, January 28, 2006 (my dad’s birthday), this picture: Merritt by ceb364
was chosen as a Daily Deviation. It was recommended by :iconwittlepanther: and selected by :iconoedalis:.I wanted to express my gratitude to both of those deviants and to all the members who commented and faved this piece who I didn’t have a chance to properly thank. Lame as it may sound, it was one of the most gratifying, important, and proud moments in my life as an artist. Recognition by one’s peers may be the most sincere compliment and artist can receive.

My best work:
Merritt by ceb364 Which is not only a masterful piece of art I would hold up to anything ever produced by any artist, but also is touching tribute to someone my entire family loved dearly.

Some others I consider to be among my best:

The Last Supper by ceb364 'Unforsaken' by ceb364 'One in Eight Women' by ceb364 'Forever' by ceb364

I also very much like the abstract pictures that come straight from my imagination:

'Not So Still Life' by ceb364 Concentric Self Portrait by ceb364 'Lillies for Tina' by ceb364 'Connection' by ceb364

And let me shout out to my Amazing, beautiful, lovely, CANCER FREE wife by sharing some of the overly sappy, lovey dovey pictures I drew for her that always seem to come out pretty good:

'Grinch and Cindy Lou' by ceb364 Best Friends by ceb364 'Together' by ceb364 'Carl + Tina' by ceb364

Make sure you visit my kid’s gallery. She’s a recent UCONN grad who needs to upload some of the amazing stuff she’s done in the last few years: :iconkristi-lynn:

Also, say hi to one of our family’s real-world friends: :iconmaebyjane:

I also wanted to mention a few pictures that either didn't live up to their potential, or just simply suck:

'Never Forget' by ceb364 'Jesus and the Children' by ceb364 Beautiful Survivor by ceb364

And I would be remiss if I didn't throw in a few nudie girls, big boobed babes, and scantily clad super heroines:

:thumb82778035: :thumb82756453: 'Warrior' by ceb364

Mature Content

'Lara Croft in Bondage' by ceb364


Later!
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

THE RECENT SUSAN G. KOMEN/PLANNED PARENTHOOD NEWS by ceb364, journal

My First Tattoo by ceb364, journal

MY EVER INCREASING FAMILY... by ceb364, journal

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